Like probably most people, I have struggled most of my life to truly express myself. And now it’s not different.
It’s been a full month since the last time I picked up my camera, and today didn’t seem like the day I would break that streak.
However, against all odds, I did pick it up and went outside.

I remembered the spirit behind the very frist blog post I did, and that got me in a better mindset. I’ve always felt the need to overachieve, and this mentality carried over into my photography as well. However, today I decided to practice something different: to stay with what is, not try to change it or worry that it’s not what I would like it to be. Just be with what is and try to honestly express myself through photography today, as I feel right now.

I remembered an interview by Bruce Lee I listened to more than a decade ago, in which he explains how martial arts, in its purest form, is ultimately the ability to honestly express oneself. And I thought today was as good a time as any to do just that. Not with martial arts, but with photography.

The past few days (or probably weeks), I haven’t felt very motivated. I wasn’t seeing the world in a particularly bright way, and the constant greyness of the past few days didn’t help. So I decided to go out and give myself permission to fell just that and shoot black and white.

So I picked up my camera and paired it with the Contax Zeiss 35mm f/2.8. This lens gave me great satisfaction in the past, and you can see some of my favorite examples here.

Well, the first shot to set the mood was of some nice wet and muddy tractor tracks in a deserted cornfield. What caught my attention in this one? Difficult to put into words, and I won’t try too hard to explain it or justify it. I just focused and pressed the shutter.

Black and white photograph of muddy tractor tracks filled with water in a harvested cornfield — *Tractor Tracks, 1/60, ISO 160*

As I kept walking, observing what would draw my attention, I came across some plants that, despite the arrival of winter, still had some relatively new leaves, and I grabbed a photo.

Black and white photograph of a plant stem with new leaves growing despite winter, softly blurred background. — *New Leaves, 1/60, ISO 100*

The use of black and white here is a good exercise to focus on just the essentials: the subject and the light.

Black and white photograph of a single plant stem with curved leaves against a softly blurred background. — *Small Plant, 1/60, ISO 125*

For the last picture of the day, I focused on some dog rose hips hanging from thorny stems. I photographed similar subjects earlier this year using a macro lens, and it’s interesting to see the different moods the two pictures provide.

Black and white photograph of dog rose hips hanging from thorny branches with a softly blurred background. — *Dog Rose Hips, 1/80, ISO 10*

So what’s the takeaway from this?
I think there are two.

The first one is to allow yourself to feel what you feel, without judgment or aversion.
And secondly, that honestly expressing yourself is a skill you can practice, and the medium you use is not that important — it’s just that, a means to an end. What really matters is being able to find a space to do just that: honestly express yourself.

Honestly Expressing Oneself

First Time Film Photography